This letter is long overdue. As you should know, our relationship has been long and brutal. I have fought long and hard to get away from you; yet here we are once again. You tend to pop up whenever you feel like it. You come and you go as you please. For some reason, you feel like you own me and that you are welcomed here. You bring your filthy friends over and they take up residence in my heart. You bring your baggage over and store them in my mind. I have tried to kick you out so many times. When I finally think I have gotten rid of you, you knock on my door again and for some crazy reason, I open it. I am used to you, I guess.
The problem is, whenever we are done with our entanglement, you leave, and I am left lying on the bed in a pool of shame and regret. This cycle has gone on for years. Lately, you have come around less often, but today was a different story. Today, I could not find anything to do, so I opened the door and waited for you to come on in. Low and behold our cycle ensued. You came, you ate, and you left. Now I find myself sitting here searching for hope. My fight seems in vain. It seems like I am not only fighting you but also me. To be honest, sometimes it looks like you may be victorious over me. You always seem to make me feel that you will never leave.
However, today there was something different. After you left, I found myself in the throne room of my King, instead of the pool of regret you leave for me. This throne room is the place that I can come boldly. It’s the place where I find my strength to fight and where I see my worth. It’s the place where your fingerprints and shame are washed away. I opened my mouth today and called out to the King. I sang songs of praise and worship. My melodies of praise transformed into thunderous war cries. The King has done it again! He has ignited a seemingly defeated warrior; the warrior that is within me.
Before I go any further, I should inform you that I have been plotting in my heart on how to kill you here in 2019. I have told the King that you can not come with me to 2020. You must die here. You must not go with me any further. He reminded me today that you have an appointed time to die. He reminded me that you are already defeated; something you did not want me to know. The King will come back one day, and you will be destroyed. Glory to God. However, in the meantime, you can not stay with me. You are not going to use me as your waiting room, as you wait on your judgment.
So today, I am serving you an eviction notice, effective immediately. Please pack up everything you own and have brought and get the hell out. Do not forget to take your friends, who have taken up residence in my heart and your baggage that is cluttering my mind. Do not leave anything, and do not worry about cleaning up. The rightful owner of this body will be doing the cleaning.
You might be wondering, “Why so suddenly; weren’t we getting along”. I am sorry to have to burst your bubble, but I hate you and the love I had for you is decreasing. I am tired of your lies and fake intimacy. Every time I let you stay; you use me and then you shame me. You control our every move and I have had it. Quite frankly, I am starting to see behind your mask, and you are pure darkness. The light in me should be casting you out; not vice versa. Do you know how many friends, opportunities, and dreams that were probably postponed or lost because I allowed you to live here? Do you know that my view of intimacy, love, and vulnerability is miscued because you showed me the opposite? I have had the last straw. You will not remain here in 2020. I want you out before the night is over. I never want to see you again.
Just so you know, I will not answer your calls in 2020. I will not open the door when you knock; I am not ignorant enough to think you won’t. I will ignore you in the streets and pray that you get the hint. This friendship is over. I will no longer be your slave. I will no longer lay in bed with you. You will no longer have a hold of my mind and my desires. Do you hear me? I am done with you!
I should also inform you that I am taken by another; just in case you think I will take you back. He is not an ordinary love. He is the truth. He died so that I would be rid of you. He fights for me daily. He is recklessly in love with me and I am desperately in love with him. I need him like I need air. I don’t think I can part from him again. He will not let you or any other darkness overtake me anymore. I just thought you should know.
Now, as this letter comes to a close, I want to say bye. I’ve tasted freedom and it’s so sweet. I will not embrace bondage in 2020 or beyond.
Don’t let the door hit you where the good Lord split you.
Yours no longer,
A Warrior princess ignited.
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