This is a post for the ladies. This post is meant for healing and meant to be quite challenging. Some might hate this blog post, and some might not. All I am asking is that you hang in there with me until the end. I am also asking that you take a moment and truly hash out how this post makes you feel. Be open and be honest with how this applies to your life.
Now after that long intro let us begin.
Let me start by acknowledging our hurts. Ladies, we have all been hurt one way or another by one or more of the male species. Some have been hurt more than others. This is a fact and I will not downplay our emotions, feelings, and hurts. Some of us have been raped, degraded, rejected, abandoned, used, manipulated, shamed, laughed at, teased, harassed, beaten and much more by a man or two.
It is such a big issue that women have been fighting for their rights, equality, and freedom for hundreds, even thousands of years. So, yes, there is an issue. I believe that women have the right to stand up for justice and what is right.
With that being said, this is not a man-bashing session. It is far from it. In all honesty, this blog post is about encouraging the men in our lives. You read that right; I am encouraging you to encourage men.
Let’s just take a moment and let you hash out any emotions or feelings that just struck you when you read the above lines.
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Now, let me explain what I am saying. What do I mean by encouragement? The definition of "encourage", according to google (Yes, I googled the definition 😊), is to give support, confidence or hope to someone. Another definition is to help or stimulate (an activity, state or view); to develop.
When I say to encourage our men; I am saying that we need to lift, build-up, support and help develop the men in our lives to be the men that God has called them to be. If we are going to see a change in our society, it’s going to start with us. If we want our sons, husbands, and brothers, to be honorable men, we must encourage them to be. I am not saying that it is the woman’s fault that some men act the way they do. I am just saying that we have a huge influence on men. Beyoncé said it best in her song Who Runs the World: “My persuasion can build a nation. Endless Power, our love we can devour, you’ll do anything for me”. What she is saying is that women have persuasive power over men. Some men would deny that or use it as an excuse for their bad behavior. Some women would deny it as well, but it is true. If you look back in history, some of the most influential decisions were made by great men, who were persuaded and influenced by women. We have the power of persuasion over men. Some women use that badly, but what if we used that superpower for good. What if we used our persuasion to grow a generation of men who are solid men of God? I for one would love to see that and live in that world. It wouldn’t be perfect, but it would be nice.
Why encourage men, you might ask. There are many reasons why I believe it is important for a woman to build men up. This blog is already going to be long enough, so I will just give you 4 reasons:
1. There are good men, must we let them pay for another man’s mistakes?
I have heard a lot of women say, including some close friends, say “All Men Are Trash”. I disagree with all my heart. I know for a fact that there are so many good men in this world. For us to say that “all men are trash”, is not fair to the good men. The good men need a chance to show us what a man should be. It is also for us to understand that good does not mean perfect. A good man will still mess up and fall sometimes. In those moments, it is up to us to pick them up, brush them off and encourage them to continue the good fight. We are the biggest cheerleaders for men. The good men need to hear your cheers more often.
2. The anger and bitterness towards men are hurting us not them.
Some of us have turned mean in our anger and bitterness towards men. No matter how bad someone has hurt you, do not let that person dictate who you are inside. Un-forgiveness and bitterness are pure poison. This man-hating anger has more of an effect on us, then on them. We must combat the anger with forgiveness and encouragement. Tell me, has this pint up anger helped you so far?
3. We need men; it’s how God designed it.
No matter what you believe, we need men. Men and women were created differently. Our individual difference helps the other. Women, we need men just as much as they need us. Without them, literally, the world could not operate correctly. We need our sons, brother, husband, etc. They add to our life and it is a blessing. We cannot tell men we don’t need them, because we do. The men in our lives need to know that they are needed.
4. You cannot fight fire with fire.
We have to learn to be the better person. If we feel that we are being hurt by men, why would we strive to hurt them back? Doesn’t that make us just as bad? And isn’t that hypocritical? I for one, am not about to stoop to the level of the person who hurt me. I will let them act up on their own. However, I will kill them with kindness, because I have seen that it does work. Be the better person – now that is strength.
Now, again just to clarify; this does not excuse the behavior of those who have hurt us. Yes, they are still wrong, and God sees that and will handle them.
But, if you are still with me, you are probably wondering what kind of encouragements I am saying we as women, should give men. Well, I am glad that you asked:
1. Pray over men
This to me is the most important. People do not believe that prayer changes things, I would adamantly contradict that. We must pray over the men in our lives. The enemy has a hit out for men, and he is coming at them strongly. To be a true man in this world is hard; which is why not as many are doing it. It takes guts, courage, strength, etc. As women, we get the privilege to pray for strength over these men; that they can endure and do what is right. Also, for those men who are not so good, God does change people’s hearts. Pray for them until God changes them (This doesn’t mean you have to hang around them though. Know your worth and what you deserve.)
2. Don’t treat men like they are stupid.
We have all done it, me included. Sometimes we believe that we are the superior beings. And let’s face it, sometimes it does look like that. However, that is not true. To be honest, I believe men need us to encourage them in this area. We must let them know that they are capable of doing things and doing them right.
3. Let the men be the men in your life.
This is hard for me because I am a very independent woman. Sometimes I feel that if I don’t do it, it won’t be done. But my dad and other men in my life are teaching me that they want to be men , and that I need to allow that. They want to be needed. They play an important role as the man. A lot of women have had to step into that role to help their family. I salute those women. Thank you for holding down the fort. God gave you strength for “such a time as this”. However, we are not supposed to stay in that role. We as women, me included, have been in the role as men for so long, that we don’t know how to allow good men to be the man. I do not have a remedy for this, it is going to take prayer and the knocking down of pride. All I know, is that it is important to let men be the men they need to be in our lives.
4. Speak life over men
The bible says that we have the power of life and death in our tongue (Proverbs 18:21). We all know how powerful words are; but do we really know. We must watch the words that come out of our mouth. Stop telling your sons “They are like their no-good daddy”. Stop telling your husband he is an idiot and will never amount to anything. Stop telling your male students that they will never be smart. You get my drift. We must speak life into men. Even if you don’t see it, start proclaiming what you want to see. Tell your sons that they can do anything they put their minds to. Tell your husband that you believe in him and he has what it takes. Tell your male students that they have the strength to not be a statistic. This is the kind of thing we should be speaking about. Your words will affect your situation, the people around you and the atmosphere you create, for better or for worse.
If you made it this far, Congratulations! I hope that you were not too offended or appalled. I truly believe that God wants us to encourage the men in our lives. He has something for men, and He wants us to be a part of it. My prayer is that you will start to see a change in the men around you for the better. I also hope you will start seeing a change within yourself as well.
I have nothing more to say. I would love to hear your thoughts. Comment below:
Prayer if needed
Father help us to forgive those who have hurt us, particularly the men who have hurt us. Please help us to encourage good men in our lives. Lord, give us wisdom on how to build up men. Lord, please help build a generation of men who are on fire for you and who dare to be real men.
In Jesus name we pray , Amen.
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