“Psst”
“You over there” …. “Yes you, come here.”
“I have something to tell you, but this stays between us okay?”
“Don’t tell anyone, but I just needed someone to vent to.”
“Do you have a moment to talk?”
“Good.”
“Before we start, let me introduce myself. My name is Moriah and during this quarantine season, I realized that I may be a Gossip Queen.”
Let us pause for dramatic effect………
“Yes! Woe is me!"
“I never thought that title would be associated with me.”
“But it is true, I have grown into a Gossip Queen…. Well, maybe not the queen, but I am definitely in her royal court.”
“Do you know how sad that is? The Gossip Queen is one of the most untrustworthy women, of no integrity that I have ever met. I by no means want to be apart of her ladies in waiting.”
But you must give me some slack, I didn’t realize I was rolling deep with “Your royal Gosspiness”, she has a way of sneaking up on you without you knowing it.
Let me tell you, people, she is very sneaky, and she is a master of disguises.
With me, she showed up in the form of venting. That’s what I thought I was doing people!
But when I turned around, I realized that what I was actually doing was gossip.
Let me paint a clear picture for you, every time I get frustrated, I tend to need to talk it out.
You see, I am a talker, and to process things or situations, my thoughts need to roll off my tongue.
So of course, in the life of a woman, young adult, or royal in training, whatever you want to call me, there are many frustrations. Those frustrations have a board meeting in my mind, and I tend to invite outsiders in to make deliberations on confidential information.
So, for example, when I am frustrated with what a friend did, didn’t do, or said, my mind tries to figure out the situation by talking it out with someone. The problem is I talk it out with as many people as I can possibly find. If anyone is available to listen to my woes, I would gladly love to sit down and chit chat with them. I talk about my problems with one friend to another friend under the disguise of venting.
And it does not just stop with my friends. I have been frustrated with my church, some of my leaders, people I serve with, and even some of my family members. This adds up to a lot of “venting” sessions people.
Here is the issue folks… that is not venting … that is gossiping.
So that is how I concluded that I am a gossip.
Oh, but how sad it would be if the story stopped there though.
Thank the Lord for Jesus, and the conviction of the Holy Spirit.
As the old saints would say… He turned it!
I started to feel bad about what I was doing. Something was not right. I could tell that my positive atmosphere was being tainted by the negativity that I, myself was causing. I was starting to realize that The Gossip Queen was not the friend I thought she was. She hung around me in her venting disguise and I was beginning to encompass her traits.
Her persona is untrustworthiness. She smiles at you, but if you do anything to frustrate her, she will talk about you. That is not integrity. I can blame her all I want, but in all honesty, she is me.
So, I had a come to Jesus meeting with Jesus himself. Ain’t that funny!
He had to sit me down and set me straight.
First, I had to identify that there was an issue. I had to identify that I was gossiping and that I like to be in the know. Now I know.
Second, I had to repent, because whether people will tell you or not, gossiping is a sin. Hard pill to swallow, but you still need to take your medicine to get better.
Thirdly, I need to apologize to my friends for expecting them to be trustworthy to me and not reciprocating that same trait back to them, which is the reason for this blog.
To all my friends, I am sorry. I apologize for not honoring you and treating you like the royal that you are when I am not in your presence. You all mean so much to me and going forward, I will work harder, by the grace of God, to honor you better than I have.
Fourthly, a change is needed. God had to sit me down and work on my heart. It wasn’t easy... wait…can I say that differently... it is not easy! I have to learn to put a guard over my mouth, as the psalmist said in Psalm 141:3.
"....Set a guard over my mouth, O Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips...." Psalm 141:3
What I am learning, is to take my frustration to the Lord right away. I believe that God should be my go-to for all my venting needs. I am working on pouring all my frustrations on him, which is pretty much a venting session or a gossip session, whatever you want to call it. The cool thing is God can handle it and won't judge me, how wonderful. Anyway, if there are still things that need to be worked out after I have talked to God, then I can bring that to a trusted person who I have selected to be my venting partner.
Just a side note, I suggest you find a trusted person to be able to take your concerns to. That one person should be someone who will listen to you without judgment. They should work with you to find a solution, whether that’s in prayer or actions. You want somebody in your corner who is not just there for the gossip session, or the tea, but who is there to help you be the best you in that situation. I don’t need someone egging me on, I need someone who will listen with understanding and then tell me the truth. I need someone who will call out the royalty in me.
That person for me is my sister. I can vent all I need to, with my sister. She is a trusted source that will not tell all the business to the street prophets (I don’t know what that means, but it sounded good). She is kindhearted, so she is not going to tear people down in our venting sessions and she will not allow me to do so either. She will call me to be better in the situation. She is not someone who will co-sign any shenanigans. She will not allow me to lose my integrity in our conversation. That is such a blessing to me.
Like I said, get you a good venting partner.
That point brings up a question that has been on my mind the whole time I have been writing this. You may have the same question. What is the difference between gossiping and venting? I cannot seem to separate the two. They seem like they are one and the same to me. To be honest with you, I still feel like venting sessions are necessary, to me, it is not healthy to keep all of the frustration tucked in. The thing is, the line between venting and gossiping is so thin, that it is easy to cross over to the other side without realizing it. I would love to hear what you all have to say about that. Maybe we can make that a discussion later this year.
But for now, I will leave you with a few tips. If these things are happening, it is probably gossiping not venting:
1.If you and your friend are having a conflict, your whole friend group does not need to know… that takes the process from venting to gossiping really quick.
2. People’s business is for them and the people they have entrusted it to. Do not discuss other people’s business with other people. Mind your own business and that may keep you from gossiping.
3. I understand you want to know the 411, I get you, I am the same way. But maybe you should just keep your nosy self out of it so that you won’t even have any information to gossip on.
4.Please try to see the best in people, we are so negative in how we see people and how we talk about people. “Think the best thought about people” – Toure Roberts (quote from the book Wholeness)
5. If you won’t say it to someone’s face, you probably shouldn’t say it behind their back… that is gossiping, and it’s mean.
6. Remember that God is with you everywhere, so He can see what you say about people and how you treat them when they are not around. I don’t think I need to say anything else about that… there are always eyes on you.
I am reminding myself of these points as well. I still have a long way to go, let’s be honest. But I am moving towards change and I am getting better. It’s hard, but it necessary. I want to be a woman of integrity and trustworthiness.
I don’t want to be The Gossip Queen, but the Daughter of the King.
So, I am here to tell on myself, so that if you are in the Gossip Queen’s court you can make a move to escape as well. We have to stand with each other and speak life over each other. To the ladies, the world expects us to be gossips, lets prove them wrong.
Love you all, my trustworthy Royals
- Moriah
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