Clueless…. That is the word that comes to mind when I think about my life right now and my future. I am absolutely clueless. I have no clue what is going on and I have no clue what I am supposed to do.
I am lost and I feel somewhat stagnant.
Here’s the deal; I am currently jobless….as in I have less than $50 in my bank account and at the moment I do not see any prospects to help in that endeavor. I am unsure if any of you have ever found yourself in that predicament…. I have many times this year.
Now mind you, I am not in this place, because of a lack of effort or because I am sitting around lazing in the sun… sorry I mean snow; this is Colorado after all. Actually, I am a busy woman and I am always working. I organize events and outreaches. I have been working on a few movie scripts, taking some classes, auditioning, etc. I am a busy woman.
However, I still feel as if I am not working hard enough. Don’t get me wrong though, there has been plenty of times where I found myself laying in the bed binge watching K-Dramas on Netflix; I am not perfect. But, I feel like my efforts are not successful. I have to constantly remind myself that having a job, car and money do not define me. It is hard to believe that in this society though. I am 26 years old; shouldn’t I be in a better place right now? Shouldn’t I be paying my own rent right, now not my dad? Shouldn’t I be driving myself around, not the local bus system? Shouldn’t I be paying for my own lunches and not my family and friends? If I was to keep it one hundred; I feel like a failure. I feel as if I am living a pointless life right now. Am I the only one who has ever felt this way?
My sister had to remind me the other day that I am not a failure and that this is just a season in my life. I literally just got done being an event coordinator for a 3 month project with Chipotle and Uncharted. That is huge. Did I forget so quickly? It’s only been a month since then and I am listening to the lies that I am a failure. That is crazy ya’ll.
Maybe right now you are wondering how I am in this spot. It is simple. I was working as an Executive Assistant who was being paid well and realized that I couldn’t do it anymore. I wanted work with purpose and I wanted to begin the journey of pursuing my dreams. It has been a hard journey; but I have done things that I would have never done before and it has helped me to grow as a person. It has grown my confidence and it has caused to me be crazy enough to dream and work towards those dreams.
I still need a job to pay bills; I am not that crazy to think opposite. I have been applying like crazy. The thing is, God has specific plans for me and I can see him closing doors in certain areas and opening them in others and I am just sitting here hoping that I hear him right. My life is changing and it is going to continue to change.
So, yes lately I have been walking around in confusion. I literally have no clue what is happening in my life and I have no clue where I am going. But there is hope. I was watching an old Jeremy Lin video, where he was speaking to a crowd in Asia. He said this one thing that resonated with me. He said “I may not know where I am going, but I can trust the person I am following.” WOW. That was so good for me to hear and it is so true. I do not, by any means know where I am going, but I know that I am following Jesus.
All this to say; I have to trust God. He has plans for my life and he will not let me drown. My faith in Him will calm the storm. I need His peace and I need to remember who holds my future. I may not know what is going on, but He does. He never stopped being at the helm and I can trust my life to Him. As long as I am following Him, I am not a failure; I am actually quite successful.
So, if you are of the praying variety, I can definitely use your prayers. I need prayers for my finances and prayers for the right job for me. I need a boost of faith and trust. I also need to turn off my ears to the lies of the enemy. I am not a failure; I am right where God wants and needs me to be.
Thank you!
Prayers if needed:
God, I pray for the people who may be in the same situation as I am in. Lord, please give them peace. Remind them that you hold them and their future in your hands. Remind them that you are the all-powerful God and that means that everything will be okay. I thank you for your faithfulness and love for me and all of the people who are reading this post right now. You are a mighty good God.
We love you. In Jesus name we pray,
Amen.
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