My mom! How I miss her so very much. In this month of celebrating women, I think of her often. She taught me a lot about being a woman. She taught me how to do my hair, how to dress and how to take care of myself. She taught me how to shop at the thrift store, she was the queen of the thrift store, and no one can compare; don’t even try. She taught me how to be creative. God created my mom to create and she did it beautifully. That gift of creativity was passed down to me and flows deep in my veins. I will forever be thankful for that. These are a few of the things that she taught me when she was alive. She also taught me a lot after she died. She taught me a lot that was woven in the story of her life, that I did not understand until after she went to be with the Lord.
I learned that my mom believed in me more than anyone on this planet. She encouraged me in every endeavor that I pursued. My mom was at every single one of my performances growing up. She was at my dance recitals, my choir performances, talent shows, step shows, and plays. She always had 2 seats saved for my sister and herself. She wasn’t just that supportive mom that would encourage me as a child. She was the mom that truly believed that I could sing, dance and act. When asked, my mom would tell people that I sang like “Mahalia Jackson”. As a performer, there is nothing like having someone who truly believes in your talents and supports it.
I learned that my mom did love me. In all transparency, my mom and I had a season where we did not get along at all. When I say we didn’t get along, I mean WWIII broke out at our home every single day. My mom did somethings that really hurt me and to this day I still must heal from some of the side effects of those hurts. I know that she probably would have said the same about me. I am not sure where the division came from. It could have been because we were so similar that we would butt heads or that we were so different from each other and stubborn. Who knows? All I know is that even in the midst of all of that, my mom did love me. The way she showed it was interesting, but I know she did. She loved my sister and me so much. We were her barbie dolls and best friends all at the same time. It was good for me to finally realize that.
Of all the things I learned, there are two things that stick out to me the most. One, was that my my mom was unapologetically authentic, and two, she was strong.
My mom was unapologetically herself. She truly did not care what people thought about her and she lived accordingly. I am not saying my mom was running the streets flicking people off and yelling “YOLO”. No! My mom was free in who she was. She was a very quirky person. If you knew her, you know what I mean. She had a different personality; sometimes I wonder if she had some autistic tendencies. She had a love of life that was contagious. It is crazy, because my mom dealt with a lot of trauma in her life, yet that didn’t steal her smile. My mom lived to her fullest. She loved people and wasn’t afraid to show it. She was also skeptical of a lot of people and wasn’t afraid to show it either. My mom would dance when she felt it, and dress to kill at all times. In all honesty, it is hard to describe my mom in words. She was the type of person who would go to Elitches, which is a theme park here in Denver, just to hang out and become close friends with the African performers there. I am being completely serious. I learned that she played the drums at church when she was younger. I knew she sang, but I didn’t know she was a thug on the drums as well. How cool! In a world that would teach women to hide who they are and become who the world wants them to be, my mom stood firm in who she was. This is something that I need to grow in. I care too much about what people think. I never want my shine to hurt someone's feelings or make them feel insecure, so I die down who I am. I am always worried about making others feel comfortable that I sometimes miss out on being unapologetically me. I am growing in that area, but I want to be free in that area like my mom. This is something I will always remember and hope that my sister and I can achieve.
I also hope that my sister and I can learn to live in God’s strength. Like I said earlier, my mom dealt with so much trauma in her life. I believe that trauma influenced some of my mom’s personality traits. My mom had gone through so much: she didn’t know who her father was, she was sexually abused when she was younger, she was misunderstood because of her quirkiness, she had many miscarriages, she was told she couldn’t have kids (we know that was wrong), she was betrayed and abandoned by those closest to her, her marriage ended in a divorce, she lost her house and had to raise two teenage daughters by herself while being homeless and living in the car, she had to deal with the lies and deception from her daughter (me) who was fighting an addiction, she had to deal with a huge amount of loneliness and then to top it all off, she had to fight cancer. I am crying while writing this. I did not realize the struggle that my mom had. I was always so concentrated on my struggles and what I was going through. I was always mad at her and the situation we were in. A little after she died, I realized how much my mom had gone through, and I started to see her stance through all that pain. My mom was a true Thug (my word for being strong). Through all that pain, my mom stood in faith. She believed that God could do anything. She taught my sister and me how not to put on our trials as if they were grave clothes. No matter what we went through, it did not define us and we didn’t have to look like our suffering. That is why I do not look like what I went through. She taught us to find joy, even when facing those trials. Yes, she cried many times, but she also had a contagious smile. Life did her wrong in my opinion, but she still was full of joy. My mom never gave up or gave in. She was a strong woman and I am amazed at who she was. Now I can look back when I am going through trials and remember that my mom stood firm through all the pain. She made it and so can I.
Her death was not a defeat. No! She may have lost her life, but her joy and strength were not lost. They live in me and my sister. They live in the memories of my close friends and my family. They live in the heart of my dad and they are shaping the woman that I am becoming.
For all you women out there, I have a challenge for you, from the narrative of my mom’s life. Please remember that you are one of a kind. We are commonly unique. God created us to be who we are, so don’t let other people’s opinions take that away from you. Also, life is hard; can we all agree on that. The bible talks about, in Genesis 3:15, how there will be enmity between the woman and the enemy. The enemy is fighting us as women. He wants the seed that we carry. This is why we are hit with insecurities, pain, heartache, etc. Know this, God is with you. You are stronger than you think. Don’t give up and hang in there. Be strong, the sun does come up in the morning. The cool thing about Genesis 3:15 is that even though it says the enemy will bite the woman’s heel, it also says that the woman will crush its head. Believe that. You are a threat to the pain and suffering that comes into your life. It may bite you, but you will crush its head. My mom did that and I am proud of her.
Prayer:
Lord, I pray for all the women who are reading this post. Please fill them with your strength to be able to stand firm in the trials of life. I hope that my mom’s life will give them encouragement to believe they can withstand anything and be triumphant in the end. I pray that they will learn how to be unapologetically themselves. They were made unique and the world needs them to walk as who they are. We thank you and love you.
In Jesus's name,
Amen
Love you all and I hope you as women know how awesome you are.
Happy International Women month.
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